Making amends with myself and you

Aren't there some mistakes that we wish we could correct? Some mistakes that are above all other mistakes. We go wrong everyday. Extra sugar in the tea, forgotten to call back someone. But you know I am not talking about these things. I don't think I have physically or emotionally wrecked another person ever but my actions have been such that they may have been hurt even though nobody has ever said anything to me.

I figured I am going to college and one phase of my life is getting over. In school, we can still be treated as kids who don't always have to own up to their mistakes and are not always responsible for their actions as they are still discovering themselves and there's still more growing up to do. Every person has said, 'I was just a kid back then.' or 'It was a long time back and I was just stupid!', at least once in their lives. It's somewhat easier to get away with stuff. But now, I'm going to college next month and I am officially 'growing up' and a part of that is to own up to what you have done.

So here goes. I had a friend, I mean I still have her but not the way we used to be. We were best friends for two and a half years straight. I don't know what happened between us but we just stopped talking like we used to. This went on for sometime and I think it was mutual. We were both just becoming so distant in our friendship. And it's this kind of stuff that you realise way later. At that time it just felt like another thing that was changing but now, when I think about it, what was I thinking anyways? We just stopped enjoying each other's company as much as we used to maybe. But that's not what I was talking about. This part is not wrong, it's similar to one of those things when people just fall out of love. However, the one thing I really feel most horrible about was not taking a stand for her when some people tried to bring her down. There were rumours and though completely untrue, no rumours are ever good, are they? I personally did talk to one of the guys to ask them to stop treating her like this. But, I don't know, I mean should I have done more as a friend? I did try to talk to her but she didn't like discussing it. I could've helped her come clean, I should've confronted that one person who was the worst of all of them, yet I didn't. In fact, I continued talking to him as if nothing happened even though I knew what he had done was not right. But, I was just a kid back then, huh? They got away with all that and I was just glad she didn't have to be in the same class as them as their streams were different and that she was going to find better company and move on. It's this one thing that I regret the most. Mostly, because I didn't do anything to make it right for her or just give her some sort of reassurance. It just happened and stopped happening after sometime for me. Obviously, not the same story for her.

If you're reading this, I am sorry.